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That’s not something I say often but it’s true…try as I might to deal with others some people just make me sick. And it’s sad because although I am able to write about letting people go, and while I have done it, there are some people that you just cannot let go.

Your inability to not let them go is not because you are in some kind of “abusive relationship” but rather because they are so close to you that to let them go would mean that you would have to basically ostracize yourself from others you love.

I consider myself to be a nice person, for the most part, but when I say don’t mess with my stuff, I mean it. I share everything but there are just some things that are mine. I love to joke around but some people just don’t understand when they’ve taken a joke, that wasn’t funny I begin with, too far.

**And yes, if you’re wondering, something just happened to me right after I last posted**

I apologize for the rant but writing helps me to clear my thoughts…but it’s not really working this time that’s why I’m writing it here, I need help…why am I to do???

I often wish life we are simple as it is in movies or tv shows, teen movies & tv shows to be specific. I wish I could just write a list of grievances, tell it to someone and then they would magically accept what I said, say sorry and change for the better…yeah right. I tried that once with my parents…didn’t work too well, I actually got my door taken off (best punishment for an oldest child …we love our privacy).

For some reason my parents just didn’t like their nine year old telling them their faults…haha I wonder why???

It just hurts, having someone close to you, who you love, mess with you. Out of respect I won’t say who it is, it isn’t my parents or siblings though, but it’s really sad because I used to love spending time with this person. Until I got older and realized that this personality is not only harmful to them self but to others as well…and almost everyone around this person knows it.

I never fill pity for people, I don’t want others pity so why should I give mine. Yet I do feel something close to pity for this person, maybe it’s concern, which is why while I still visit, spend the night, and hang out with this person I don’t do it often. I try as hard as possible to not let my bad feelings show, people have always said I watch & read people a lot. I try to hide my true feelings because I know that no one, that similar to the case of my parents

…no one wants a teenager peering into their soul.

So instead I write, not really knowing if anyone wants or cares to read this. I write my fears, my feelings, and my truths…my writing tells the world who I really am when honestly, I cannot.

I wish everything was easy, as my dad says

Most things are simple, simple but not easy

, and he is right telling someone “you aren’t good for me, you need help, I don’t really like being around you anymore, but I want to help you” is pretty simple, I guess, but never, ever will it be easy.

I know that these are just words now but I hope one day, when the time comes (and come it will because we all have flaws), that the truthholder will be brave enough to give it and that I will be courageous enough to take it…no matter who it comes from.

 

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And so, until I regain my courage, I shall remain, trapped in this gilded cage,

Whimsically (or not so whimsically) Yours,

PnC

Written by Patrice

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