Read the inspiration for this post here:

http://thepreeminentlitterateur.wordpress.com/2012/07/04/inside-my-heart-is-breaking/

I love this blog post, especially because sometimes I feel the same way. There is nothing wrong in my opinion with a good rant as long as you are able to captivate your audience and honestly tell your story.

While my self-esteem issues have, for the most part, gone away, I often say things like “I don’t care”. Meaning not that I actually do not care but rather that I love you too much to let such a silly argument like this tear us apart. This is why for the longest time I used to never debate/bring up politics, religion or any other controversial topics around my friends. That was until I realized that by me not talking about these things I was hiding who I truly am. I was not giving myself the space I needed to express myself, which is why often I would come home or call my dad and talk for hours with him about these things. That was fine and all until he and I both realized that while it is great that we have this connection it should be a connection that I have with my friends as well.

So when I entered college I started things off the right way, by introducing myself and by not being afraid to debate controversial things and be myself (my dad and I still have our regular intellectual debates though). In fact that is how I met some of my closest friends at Wellesley, sitting at a lunch table during orientation and debating the Israeli-Palestinian conflict with Arab and Israeli international students…it was great.

So my best advice to you, if you are ever feeling low, like whenever you try to not be harmful you end up being even more harmful: DO NOT TRY. As Yoda once said, “Do or do not, there is no try”.

If you do not want to harm others let them see the real you, do not be afraid to enter into debates because your true friends, no matter the outcome, will always stand by your side. I know it might sounds like I’m advocating for dumping those friends who do not allow you to truly be yourself (I kinda am), even if you have known them for most of your life, but just hear me out first:

When I transferred to a public school my senior year I was the new girl, but you would think that even though I now went to school a city away that the people I had known for more than six years would actually call to check up on me. Well let me just say that that year taught me who my true friends really were.

Out of the dozens of friends I thought I had I was left with only a handful, those are now my best friends. And even though we are now miles apart a various colleges across the US we still check up on each other and hang out with each other when we get home for break as if nothing has changed.

You see, at my private school I had gotten complacent: after middle school I changed yet out of fear of being “without a clique” I stayed with my old friends. Now I am not saying they are not good people or that we do not still hang out, it is just that they were not the people I needed around me, the people who would allow me to be myself.

Before it gets too late, and your heart starts to break or breaks even more, take a good look in the mirror and realize who you are and want to be. And if the people in your life don’t accept that person then while you don’t necessarily have to shut yourself off from them, you should maybe look at a change of environments and maybe some new people to hang around with, people who love you for you.

Always and Forever:

Whimsically Yours,

Written by Patrice

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